GETTING NAKED

There I am, half naked, wearing the lingerie I designed myself, standing in front of the lens of a trendy Amsterdam fashion photographer.

“Turn around a little, yes, just like that. Relax your arms, beautiful. Yes, keep going…”

I don’t feel beautiful at all. And the pimple on my chin is something even the makeup artist couldn’t magically make disappear.

If only I had slept better, eaten healthier, exercised more. And when will I finally manage to quit those cigarettes? Oh, and that wine and those white beers aren’t exactly helping either… well, basically everything related to health and beauty.

To be completely honest, I feel ridiculous. During the photoshoot, I keep giving myself little pep talks.

“Janneke, you’re doing this to break a taboo. To show your vulnerability and to prove that it’s okay not to have the perfect pelvic floor.”

On the first Saturday of May, I stand there in all my glory on the most-read page of the women’s section of the Dutch newspaper 'The Telegraph'. The section is called “Blootgeven”. The name says it all: I reveal myself to more than two million readers to tell them that I experience urinary leakage and live with a chronic vulvar skin condition.

My father and father-in-law are not exactly enthusiastic.

“Does this really have to be done? Like this? And that whole story about peeing?”

“Yes, it does,” I snap back.

Why is it mostly men who wonder whether they really want to know this? And why do all the women around me become so passionate and supportive when they hear about my mission?

Is this taboo really about the narrow-mindedness of men? Or is it also a taboo among women themselves?

I still don’t have the answer.

The makeup artist during the shoot made me question it all. “Janneke, do you want your hair loose and sexy, or styled up and approachable?”

I chose the latter and started explaining the purpose of the photoshoot: my mission to break the taboo around urinary leakage and Lichen Sclerosus.

She stopped teasing my hair, threw her own hair back and started laughing.

“So basically, you look like this and you just pee your pants? We women actually find that pretty funny…”

Then she added a little “na na na na na” afterwards.

Just like in that old Rolo commercial with the mean little boy and the adorable baby elephant. “Think carefully about what you do with your last Rolo.”

Honestly, I genuinely didn’t know what was happening in that moment, or whether she meant it in a kind way or as something incredibly nasty.

My conclusion is that when Pavone and I are no longer seen as cute or harmless, she might get hit by a different kind of karma herself… because karma doesn’t always show mercy, dear makeup artist from The Telegraph.